Friday, March 05, 2004

could have been

We would have celebrated our third year together today. It was always at the back of my mind, I guess, but it was overshadowed by the fact that I've been busy both for work and for some other plans for tonight. It was only brought to my attention because he sold his phone to one of my officemates last year and there was still an alarm for today. Third birthday.

The other day, Allan was teasing me, asking me about D. and then telling me, "hey don't cry..." with an impish look on his face. But although a crease passed my features for a moment at the mention of this, I wouldn't have cried. It still brings a little sadness, thinking about what could have been and how nice it feels to be in a relationship, but it's nicer, after all, to be able to say that you are honest to yourself and your feelings.

So today I mark what would have been a milestone; and, yes, it is still a celebration--of how I have been able to stand up to society's general disdain of late twentysomething women with no marriage in sight, and more importantly to my own fear of being alone.

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