Thursday, January 27, 2005

you make me wanna...

To: DepartmentBosing
Fr: Ri
Re: New Reports
Please confirm the following:
- Description/title of new report
- Shall we change the title of the old report because it has been trimmed down?


To: Ri
Fr: DepartmentBosing
Re: New Reports
Please use the new report.


Ri: Whaaa?

Wednesday, January 26, 2005

rules of engagement

I've just found out that Z. is officially engaged. At least that's another wonder of the cyber-world that I found this out despite having practically no more ties with the person.

I went to the restroom and took a moment. It was a rather long moment. I thought about how all the ex-es were getting married (three down, two to go). I thought about how nicely Caucasian Z. and Mrs. Z’s kids would be. I thought about an email conversation Bespren M and I were having a few days ago: how "Z. 'spoiled' me because everything was so perfect. gazing together towards the future and all that crap... and conversations that were in turn meaningful and hilarious... how he would gaze into my eyes... how we both were into the same music, from the corrs to kenny loggins to glam rock... how he would bring his car to school even if he lived just a few blocks away so that he could bring me home... and not mind if we had to stop at any given restroom because of my weird stomach..."

That isn't enough—that is far from enough—but at the time it meant the world to me. I had started to move on, but realized that I was doing it the wrong way. I tried to stay “friends” with him but that didn’t really work out. At least I have realized that I have to live my life for me, never mind that it’s been a few years in the making. And tons of thanks to the Besprens, whose constant support and sometimes poignant, sometimes authoritative, and sometimes hilarious messages have been the source of my strength.

If one carries a torch, when is it officially extinguished? If one says the words over and over again, do they really gain meaning?

Songs I’m thinking to play:
White Flag – Dido
Silver Springs – Fleetwood Mac
Don’t Say You Love Me – The Corrs
Even If – Lea Salonga

I promise I'm not trying to make your life harder
Or return to where we were

I'll let it pass/and hold my tongue
And you will think/that I've moved on

Feh. Depressing. I should kick in a little Liz Phair.

Tuesday, January 25, 2005

visitors - Mystery fan marks Poe's birthday - Jan 19, 2005

"BALTIMORE, Maryland (AP) -- The mystery man was dressed for the cold rather than tradition, and some spectators were not quite as respectful as in years past. But for the 56th year, a man stole into a locked graveyard early on Edgar Allan Poe's birthday and placed three roses and a half-empty bottle of cognac on the writer's grave."

Edgar Allan Poe has achieved immortality, and it seems that his graveside visitor has also done that, to some extent. It is these strange rituals, cloaked in anonymity, that spark my interest in the human psyche, and fuel my faith in human uniqueness and the human spirit.

There is a crypt that I've been visiting for a few years now. Noone in his family knows I go there. I do not leave anything, I just talk to him. I do not blame his sudden death for what happened so many years ago, only wondering if it would have turned out differently if it hadn't happened then. And I wonder if I really wasn't good enough, because that's how I feel. I hate having to feel that way, that I'm inadequate. He seems to reach to me from upthere and reassure me that everything is going to turn out for the best, that things are going to work out. Maybe they will.

Last Song Syndrome: Noypi - Bamboo
buo aking loob, may agimat ang dugo ko

Sunday, January 23, 2005

sunday afternoon

I've just posted my reading list and I realized that I'm going to end up reading Smoke and Mirrors and Far Horizons first, even before the two novels that I’ve been meaning to read for the longest time. These are both collections of short stories, the first by Neil Gaiman, and the second by a plethora of bigshot science-fiction authors.

It seems I’ve been having trouble committing to read a lengthy novel nowadays. I think that’s a sad indication of the turn my life has taken. I used to be able to devour a novel every two days, with or without schoolwork. But that was then, and this is now. Between slavery for StingyCo, Factory jobs, couch-kamote-ship, and additional housework and errands since one of our helpers left, I can’t seem to make time for continuous sessions of reading to properly imbibe the 782-page Jonathan Strange. Pathetic.


Seen at Landmark Supermarket: (1) RS Francisco of M. Butterfly fame (hey, I was a kid but I was abreast (hee!) of such developments); (2) sweet-looking lady with accompanying yaya, buying out all the SweetTarts (!) in Landmark. Now, that was strange.


After the season finale of Coupling last night, I switched channels until I came across that brazen, stubborn, smart-alecky but entertaining denizen of The Plaza Hotel, Eloise. On Disney Channel, of course. This time it was Christmas and Eloise was trying to manage Christmas shopping, devise a way so that their impoverished co-resident of the Plaza could stay on, and save Mr. Peabody’s daughter from marrying a cad and instead ending up with her true love, Bill the bellhop. Haha. It was a wonderful romp, even as I tend to believe that Eloise is quite a bad role model for children.


I wasn’t really supposed to go to National, but I ended up going anyway to buy the latest copy of Good Housekeeping (hehe) but ended up finding a copy of the Angel 2004 Yearbook (or so it says) for PhP150. Good thing the mother-unit was taking so long in Jesi Mendez. I haven’t opened it yet, but there’s a special feature on Smile Time. Great.

Last Song Syndrome : Rich Girl - Gwen Stefani feat. Eve

Thursday, January 20, 2005

before and after

Realized it's been a while since I've posted pictures. Anyway, here are before and after pictures of Rocky/Puppy/Puffy/Pavi, the doggie with so many names. He was with us in May but we gave him to Mommy T and Daddy N. Since then he's grown a LOT. I don't know what breeds are mixed in this one, but he's turning out to be quite big. The 'After' picture shows him poking his nose up the window at Mommy T's house in Alabang, but he's barely standing on his hind legs! Haha!

Pavi, May 2004 Pavi, Dec 2004

(Had to have a feel-good post. Am not feeling so well. VP of HR, whose office is a few feet away from my cube, has nasty flu. Could she have contaminated us?! --Hmmm, wishful thinking yata ako.)

Last Song Syndrome : Insensitive - Jann Arden
Oh you probably won't remember me
It's prob'ly ancient history
I'm one of the chosen few
Who went ahead and fell for you

Monday, January 17, 2005

another year, another reading

It's funny, the things that remind me of the passage of another year in the life. Aside from the New Year celebrations and the birthdays, it's Oscars and Cosmo Bedside Astrologers that most hit me with the passage of time. This year's Bedside Astrologer says that the best day of the year for me (and for hundreds of millions of other Scorpios?) will be November 2, 2005. Good, that I will have a great day three days after I turn the big 3-oh. Fehk.

Other things that the Bedside Astrologer had to say about me:
  • "A Scorpio girl approaches life head-on. Strong, determined and painfully honest, you're passionate about everything from a political cause to the color of your lipstick. If you want something badly enough, you'll do damn near anything to get it (even if it requires some trickery on your part)." If this is true, then I'm absolutely not a Scorpio girl (little meek me would wish to be, though), although the trickery is right up my alley.
  • "By midyear, you'll be juggling two different dudes." I wonder, will I become a circus girl? Wouldn't that be nice, though. Teehee.
  • In June, I will apparently "stir up a sexual heat wave under Venus's extra sensual influence." Heh, can't help laughing.
  • In March, "There's nothing to do but push through the pile when Saturn loads you with extra work during the last two weeks of the month. Tapping into your inner force gets the job done efficiently, and your diligence is noticed by the boss." Now that's more like it.

    Another year, another reading. Sometimes these astrology readings actually get it right, although it's more of your perception of things though. And I guess if you believe that something's going to happen, your vibes are going your way too. Now if I could only combine this properly with my Chinese horoscope reading...


    Belated happy birthday to the dear zeester (that's zeester#1), who is no longer updating her blog, since she started working for BigLawFirm. Oh well. Twenty-four is a great age especially when everything seems to be on the up. I hope all your dreams come true and all your plans see fruition. Go, girl.

    Last Song Syndrome : Moonshadow - Cat Stevens
  • Friday, January 14, 2005

    thank god it's friday

    Begged off on the Ortigas gimmick with the Accounting girls and badminton with the office badminton-mates. Have dinner with the zeester at Italiannis probably, on account of her 24th birthday, and then meeting up with the "immediate-neighbor" officemates for coffee, probably, on account of Vi's birthday. And speaking of birthdays and ages, I'm...

    You Are 25 Years Old


    Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe.

    13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world.

    20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences.

    30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more!

    40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

    Last Song Syndrome : Soon - Moonpools and Caterpillars

    Wednesday, January 12, 2005

    monty python!

    The full monty, the full python! Hee.

    Which Monty Python character am I?

    Well, u-- um, can we come up and have a look?

    What Monty Python Character are you?
    brought to you by Quizilla

    headline news

    Hollywood magazines and tabloids everywhere, and even the front page of the Philippine Star, bannered the announcement of the Pitt-Aniston split. And why not? Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston are almost Hollywood royalty; and although some might be ecstatic at the thought that either of them is now single, most people were basically rooting for them to last forever, perhaps in the mold of Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward. I, for one, was hoping that somehow, there could be a near-perfect relationship under the glare of the klieg lights.

    But then, Hollywood couples are subject to more strain and more temptation than your average-Joe couple (especially on location shoots away from the partner, besieged by the paparazzi, etc.), and therefore, the incidence of divorce is higher than regular non-showbiz people. Well, the odds were against them. And they lost.

    You ask, if they couldn't do it, who can? A lot of us, I guess. We don't need to be Brad or Jen (or Angelina or Tom) to find love. In fact, in that department, we may be better off not being them.

    Now? I guess I'm rooting for that "little couple"--Matthew Broderick and Sara Jessica Parker.

    A little light reading:
    Sky Showbiz - Brad & Jen - A Brief History

    Last Song Syndrome: Kiliti - The Bodies (?)

    Friday, January 07, 2005

    atm death

    Phonebanking: Welcome to xxx bank. For banking transactions, press 1...
    Ri: *presses 1*
    You have chosen to do banking transactions. Please enter your 10-digit primary account number.
    Ri: xxxxxxxxxx
    Please enter your phone access number.
    Ri: xxxx
    Your total available balance is ten pesos and zero centavos.
    Ri: Booyah!

    in other highrise-shattering news
    The Jollibee in our office building food court closed down.

    Apparently they hadn't been meeting quotas, and with the high rental, they found it more profitable to transfer to a different food court. Goodbye cheap breakfasts! Goodbye afternoon fries! Goodbye strawberry shake and krunchy twirl (or as I call it, twirly crunch) on a whim! Regardless of the fact that we keep on whining ("Jollibee na naman?!"), it had become our cheap default. Now we have to resort to the more expensive stalls, or to the less pricey Jolli-jeeps all the way at the ground floor, with no ambiance to speak of. At least, even if it was Jollibee (na naman?!), we'd eat at the open/smoking area and there was a huge chance of seeing High-Rise Crush. (One way or another, I will find out your name!)

    Oh well. Things change. People change. Ex-SO has been texting again, short of asking for another chance. Heck, he did. Am mildly annoyed but generally apathetic. Co-conspirator asked me what was wrong with Ex-SO, he was nice and everything. I said I didn't feel the same way anymore, and, yes, people change. Co-conspirator smirks and says, "That's one stupid, over-used line!" Apparently it was also used on him.

    I can't figure out why I feel so antagonistic towards Ex-SO. After all, he never really hurt me; in fact it was I who did the hurting. But I feel so cold towards him now. Could it be that I'm angry at myself for choosing him? Because I think, deep down, I'm really echoing what my zeester and my dearest friends are saying, that I'm too good for him. What a biatch I am.

    And then, SlimyGuy #2 comes out of hibernation. And what do I do with this person who used me to make his girlfriend jealous, left said girlfriend for another girl whom he got pregnant and then now is with neither of them? I say, "we should catch up sometime." And last night, he texts, "U busy?" I was on the way to badminton. But part of me wanted to meet up with him! And for what? For the heck of it? Ah feh.

    Monday, January 03, 2005


  • Killer tsunamis.
  • Magandang Gabi Bayan sensational images of firecracker victims.
  • General cleaning of the StingyCo desk and the so-called pad.
  • New Year's Day party and acting as nanny to boisterous kids.
  • Hot Mama Anj's third child's baptism, on the same day as Bespren D. giving birth through emergency C-section.
  • Intra-family feuds.
  • The long wait for Blade: Trinity and Ocean's Twelve. (Other must-see movies: Sideways, The Aviator, The Merchant of Venice.)
  • Chill Babe and Co-conspirator calling it quits, but Co-conspirator still haplessly devoted. CB seems quite thrilled by it.
  • Long speech by StingyCo CEO.
  • Long, inaudible speech by Employee of the Year.
  • A mailbox filled with pending tasks.
  • 176 undead, er, unread messages in my Yahoo! mailbox.
  • A pending invitation to Camp Crame.
  • Heavy heavy lunch from Thai Kitchen, free with the General Assembly.

    The first day back at work has left me numb. More will come to mind later. For now:
    Happy New Year everyone!
    Have a blessed and abundant 2005... despite all they're saying about Rooster years. Make your own destiny.

    Last Song Syndrome : Numb - Linkin Park (I didn't hear it, I just started singing it)