Thursday, March 31, 2005


The ex-SO (N.) and I have been talking a lot lately. It really helps that he's purportedly in love with somebody else, and I don't feel his stalker tendencies anymore. I really didn't relish receiving alternately mushy and angry texts. Anyway, N. has fallen, apparently, for this girl Chinky. Chinky has a boyfriend, whom she tells N. she doesn't love anymore, but she can't seem to break up with him. She says she reciprocates N.'s feelings though.

There must really be people like that, right? Those who can't break up with their significant others even if they've fallen out of love? It wasn't a problem with me, and N. won't let me forget it. Seems Chinky is the better person... or is she? I keep on wondering if she's really in like at least with N. Sometimes I feel like she's using him because she has a computer shop in their province and N. is her free technician. Today he passed by the computer store and a kikay store to get things for her because he's going to her province during his days off next week.

Maybe it really is love, but if it is, why does it seem like she's stringing him along? Seems like it's just convenient. But that's just me. According to him, he's willing to wait--something he also told me before. I'm just really glad that he's not waiting for me anymore and that he's moved on, but somehow this strikes a chord of discontent, and wariness. I don't want him to get hurt again; but I'm glad that he's found this sliver of happiness. I can't say that I don't care for him anymore, and it's because of this that I hope that it's the real thing with Chinky. I really hope that she can own up to her emotions if she really wants to be with him, for both their sakes. Is she waiting for the two guys to fight over her? At this point in time, I still think of her as a sigurista though, and not worthy of N.'s devotion. But that's just me. Only the best for my (ex-)boy!

I agree with Simon Cowell. I find that I agree with him most of the time anyway. Scott (or Anthony) deserved to be eliminated more than Jessica, at least in my book. And peyborit Bo got his first bad comment from Simon, who thought Constantine (heaven forbid!) was better than Bo was. Bespren D (a.k.a. Constantine fangirl) is ecstatic.

oliver a freelance writer, a fan of the Whedonverse, a friend of the Amy, likes Celtic-inspired music (I think), and has this rocking drawing he's entitled Marleina. Read his alternatural thoughts.

[The little boy? Is no more. I don't exactly enjoy his company right now. I'm glad we had that one meeting and I realized that although he has a lot of things going for him, he really doesn't do it for me cerebrally. And I think he has Attention Deficit Disorder, or maybe he just wasn't paying that much attention to me because I wasn't a GRO dudette--whose company he was enjoying one time when he wasn't answering any calls. Egad! This guy freaks me out now!]

Tuesday, March 29, 2005


"Yes, there is something brutal and hurt inside of me, and I wander alone, refusing the cup of anger, choosing silence rather than angry words."
- Marius the Blood Drinker, in Anne Rice's Blood and Gold

Last Song Syndrome : Always on My Mind - Elvis Presley
Am listening to the Practical Magic OST.

Sunday, March 27, 2005

just a few things before i turn in

  • Little Jelly Belly bags are now available pre-packed for about a hundred bucks. What fun looking at each individual Jelly Belly marker! I love almost all of the 20 flavors in this particular pack, except for coconut and licorice (white and black, how fitting). I'm still finishing up the pack right now, with a lot of pink stuff floating around (the absolute favorites: bubble gum, cotton candy and strawberry daquiri). The sugar-free version (which I should be munching on) is a little more expensive at PhP127.50. I wonder how sugar-free cotton candy will taste...
  • The clean-room project hit a snag because the mother-unit and zeester#2 started packing and looking for stuff. And now I'm back to around square 1.5 (because I did get some stuff done anyway).
  • Blasts from the past are sometimes all they're made out to be, but sometimes they're also confusing, as are strange little boys who murmur sweet nothings and then suddenly disappear...
  • Bye Mikalah! Zeester#1 was right about this elimination, while I was wrong about Bo Bice being in the bottom 3. Come on, if you're gonna be my favorite, stop singing Jim Croce songs!!!
  • Just got back from bringing the mother-unit and zeester#2 to the airport. I love driving at this time of day/night.
  • Finally, the Blue Paint Killer is nabbed on CSI. Gil finally gets his man. And it was really disturbing too. Talk about sordid.

    Adieu, adieu! I shall wake early this morn because we will go to Alabang and hide Easter eggs for the little nieces and nephews.

    Last Song Syndrome : Honey - Bobby Goldsboro
    Don't ask me... it was the last song playing on the radio on the way home.
  • Thursday, March 24, 2005

    maundy thursday musings

  • I don't wash other people's feet (figuratively) as often as I should. I believe I do my family's, but there is still always something more that can be done.
  • I have too many things. Objects. I think I find some form of comfort in these (e.g. when A and I broke up I went on a CD-binge, about 20 CDs in 2 weeks). I have to stop. I have countless books I still haven't read; and a ton of pDVDs I don't watch anymore. Today I'm going to try to purge some of the stuff. Let go and let God, probably!
  • If people don't need drugs medicinally, or for some form of escape, what do they need them for? How come some people cannot function without a fix? What if I were to try?
  • If I were to meet someone, I need a man, not (still) another boy.
  • I've started the filthy nicotine habit again. Stress, work-induced, as well as yet-another-little-boy-induced. Sigh.

    and now that i've started
    the purging, I've found one of my most beloved CDs, Sinead Lohan's No Mermaid. Nice music to declutter to.

    for the (yet-another) little boy
    Lift your head up out of your hands, love,
    I can't take you anywhere.
    Sometimes you give me all you've got to give me
    and sometimes you act like you don't care.

    - Don't I Know, Sinead Lohan

    Last Song Syndrome : Disillusioned - Sinead Lohan
    In agony we drew a circle with a stone.
    What's the colour of the raindance, I don't know.
    When it closes in, I know you'd rather be alone.
    In the day's disguise, night's howling at the moon.
  • Sunday, March 20, 2005

    a day of nothing

    Just finished reading a TWoP recap of the episode of C.S.I. that aired last Wednesday. I missed a certain part because G was taking full advantage of Sun's 24/7. Haha. Anyway, the episode (in which papa Gary D. was utterly yummy)... ANYWAY, the episode centered on an idyllic upper-class suburban community which engaged in sexual swap-meets. It was funny because I didn't realize that the family names used were family names from various sitcoms. The woman who dies in the episode is surnamed Keaton (Family Ties!), the party hosts are the Bradys (hee!) and another couple are the Cunninghams (Happy Days was before my time, but they showed reruns a few years ago which zeester#2 insisted on watching). Wasn't that fun? The other families daw were the Huxtables (Cosby Show!), the Seavers (Growing Pains!)... and I don't know who the Jeffersons and the Bunkers are... who's Archie Bunker anyway?

    Also watched Ocean's Twelve a little earlier. [Sidebar: Thanks to Dread Pirate Roberts (whose identity shall remain hidden), I'm still able to get my twice-monthly fix of -ahem- contraband, while not having to go out and brave the crackdown. A wee bit pricier but it's more convenient.] Anyway, Ocean's Twelve was a terribly fun movie, although I don't regret not watching it at the theater. Like Ocean's Eleven, which I just watched on HBO a year ago, I think. Everyone just seemed to be having so much fun; and of course, the added bonus of Vincent Cassel (squee!).

    I just realized I missed the first episode of Lost. I don't know what I was doing last Thursday night. Probably sleeping. Thank heavens for AXN's (and StarWorld's) weekend replays. Bravo!

    After meeting Dread Pirate Roberts, I brought zeester#2 to Ortigas and ran into uber-foul traffic on EDSA. Somewhere near EDSA-Crossing, the private cars' lanes merge into one (read and weep: ONE!) lane. Traffic was stopped up from Guadalupe onward. That was great, just great. I have so much time to waste, after all. On the way back, inspiration strikes and I decide to go to the mall. Ayala Center. With the second day of Double Midnight Madness. Madness it was, indeed. Picked up a couple of books but no main goal (shoes). Oh well. I was able to get a copy of Irish Girls About Town (seemed like fun reading), replacement copy of Einstein's Dreams (lost mine), A Brief History of The Celts, and a box of postcards for 300 bucks (15 bucks each for really pretty cards, not bad). Oh well.

    [Well actually, there's something. I feel like I'm being dragged deeper every day and I allow myself to be carried by the current, but I know that I'm setting myself up for a fall. But it's fun, this freefalling and not knowing. I'm weird like that. Cy told me to stay away from that particular crew. Sorry, Cy.]

    Last Song Syndrome : L'Appuntamento from Ocean's Twelve

    Sunday, March 13, 2005

    things to do at 2am

    ...when you're frantically applying updates to your antivirus and downloading anti-spyware because suddenly you can't connect to the internet...
  • listen to Mojofly, Kitchie Nadal days (even then I was in love with her voice)
  • replace grip on badminton racket, which had been put off for two months now, thank you
  • convince myself that there are neither intentions nor sparks between me and G
  • list down stuff to buy tomorrow (Irish Girls About Town, Phillips earphones with case, toilet paper, toothpaste)
  • think about starting to work on latest Factory freelance job
  • end up playing Warfare on AchTung Baby
  • blog for the first time in two weeks about (go back to top)

    Ah well. Such is life. Prevention is definitely better than having to go through all these (yes, JP, I have learned my lesson).

    Last Song Syndrome : Another Day - Mojofly
  • Tuesday, March 01, 2005

    i hate you for this, appleby!

    Appleby made me cry. A few months ago, Appleby started her new blog, Blink and You Miss a Beat. I wondered what 'detamble' meant. Appleby replies with, "It's from The Time Traveler's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger. It's a wonderful book, you should read it." So I looked around Powerbooks for a copy and finally found one a couple of weeks ago, an early Valentine's gift to myself. And what a wonderful gift it was.

    I couldn't stop reading it at every possible non-working hour. Heck, I even read it while I was working, sneaking in a few lines every now and then. The Time Traveler's Wife hooks you into an intricate story told in simple yet poignant prose. The sci-fi nature of time travel is woven into a wonderful love story, and chrono-displacement becomes quite probable when placed in the context of everyday life. The laid-back narration of Henry and Clare's sojourn from either's point of view is deceiving: the story is wondrous and thrilling. It made you wonder about destiny, about chance, and about truth.

    I didn't know when I started crying, but it was through most of the last hundred pages. It was a great ending, but I didn't want the story to end. All that said, this is a wonderful book. I would recommend it to anyone, in love or not (that's me). It's a timeless (heh!) tale of loyalty and destiny, of love through and despite time.