exspeak

The ex-SO (N.) and I have been talking a lot lately. It really helps that he's purportedly in love with somebody else, and I don't feel his stalker tendencies anymore. I really didn't relish receiving alternately mushy and angry texts. Anyway, N. has fallen, apparently, for this girl Chinky. Chinky has a boyfriend, whom she tells N. she doesn't love anymore, but she can't seem to break up with him. She says she reciprocates N.'s feelings though.

There must really be people like that, right? Those who can't break up with their significant others even if they've fallen out of love? It wasn't a problem with me, and N. won't let me forget it. Seems Chinky is the better person... or is she? I keep on wondering if she's really in like at least with N. Sometimes I feel like she's using him because she has a computer shop in their province and N. is her free technician. Today he passed by the computer store and a kikay store to get things for her because he's going to her province during his days off next week.

Maybe it really is love, but if it is, why does it seem like she's stringing him along? Seems like it's just convenient. But that's just me. According to him, he's willing to wait--something he also told me before. I'm just really glad that he's not waiting for me anymore and that he's moved on, but somehow this strikes a chord of discontent, and wariness. I don't want him to get hurt again; but I'm glad that he's found this sliver of happiness. I can't say that I don't care for him anymore, and it's because of this that I hope that it's the real thing with Chinky. I really hope that she can own up to her emotions if she really wants to be with him, for both their sakes. Is she waiting for the two guys to fight over her? At this point in time, I still think of her as a sigurista though, and not worthy of N.'s devotion. But that's just me. Only the best for my (ex-)boy!

idolmunatayo
I agree with Simon Cowell. I find that I agree with him most of the time anyway. Scott (or Anthony) deserved to be eliminated more than Jessica, at least in my book. And peyborit Bo got his first bad comment from Simon, who thought Constantine (heaven forbid!) was better than Bo was. Bespren D (a.k.a. Constantine fangirl) is ecstatic.

oliver
...is a freelance writer, a fan of the Whedonverse, a friend of the Amy, likes Celtic-inspired music (I think), and has this rocking drawing he's entitled Marleina. Read his alternatural thoughts.

[The little boy? Is no more. I don't exactly enjoy his company right now. I'm glad we had that one meeting and I realized that although he has a lot of things going for him, he really doesn't do it for me cerebrally. And I think he has Attention Deficit Disorder, or maybe he just wasn't paying that much attention to me because I wasn't a GRO dudette--whose company he was enjoying one time when he wasn't answering any calls. Egad! This guy freaks me out now!]

words

"Yes, there is something brutal and hurt inside of me, and I wander alone, refusing the cup of anger, choosing silence rather than angry words."
- Marius the Blood Drinker, in Anne Rice's Blood and Gold

Last Song Syndrome : Always on My Mind - Elvis Presley
Am listening to the Practical Magic OST.

just a few things before i turn in

Little Jelly Belly bags are now available pre-packed for about a hundred bucks. What fun looking at each individual Jelly Belly marker! I love almost all of the 20 flavors in this particular pack, except for coconut and licorice (white and black, how fitting). I'm still finishing up the pack right now, with a lot of pink stuff floating around (the absolute favorites: bubble gum, cotton candy and strawberry daquiri). The sugar-free version (which I should be munching on) is a little more expensive at PhP127.50. I wonder how sugar-free cotton candy will taste...

The clean-room project hit a snag because the mother-unit and zeester#2 started packing and looking for stuff. And now I'm back to around square 1.5 (because I did get some stuff done anyway).

Blasts from the past are sometimes all they're made out to be, but sometimes they're also confusing, as are strange little boys who murmur sweet nothings and then suddenly disappear...

Bye Mikalah! Zeester#1 was right about this elimination, while I was wrong about Bo Bice being in the bottom 3. Come on, if you're gonna be my favorite, stop singing Jim Croce songs!!!

Just got back from bringing the mother-unit and zeester#2 to the airport. I love driving at this time of day/night.

Finally, the Blue Paint Killer is nabbed on CSI. Gil finally gets his man. And it was really disturbing too. Talk about sordid.

Adieu, adieu! I shall wake early this morn because we will go to Alabang and hide Easter eggs for the little nieces and nephews.

Last Song Syndrome : Honey - Bobby Goldsboro
Don't ask me... it was the last song playing on the radio on the way home.

maundy thursday musings

I don't wash other people's feet (figuratively) as often as I should. I believe I do my family's, but there is still always something more that can be done.

I have too many things. Objects. I think I find some form of comfort in these (e.g. when A and I broke up I went on a CD-binge, about 20 CDs in 2 weeks). I have to stop. I have countless books I still haven't read; and a ton of pDVDs I don't watch anymore. Today I'm going to try to purge some of the stuff. Let go and let God, probably!

If people don't need drugs medicinally, or for some form of escape, what do they need them for? How come some people cannot function without a fix? What if I were to try?

If I were to meet someone, I need a man, not (still) another boy.

I've started the filthy nicotine habit again. Stress, work-induced, as well as yet-another-little-boy-induced. Sigh.

and now that i've started
the purging, I've found one of my most beloved CDs, Sinead Lohan's No Mermaid. Nice music to declutter to.

for the (yet-another) little boy
Lift your head up out of your hands, love,
I can't take you anywhere.
Sometimes you give me all you've got to give me
and sometimes you act like you don't care.
- Don't I Know, Sinead Lohan

Last Song Syndrome : Disillusioned - Sinead Lohan
In agony we drew a circle with a stone.
What's the colour of the raindance, I don't know.
When it closes in, I know you'd rather be alone.
In the day's disguise, night's howling at the moon.

a day of nothing

Just finished reading a TWoP recap of the episode of C.S.I. that aired last Wednesday. I missed a certain part because G was taking full advantage of Sun's 24/7. Haha. Anyway, the episode (in which papa Gary D. was utterly yummy)... ANYWAY, the episode centered on an idyllic upper-class suburban community which engaged in sexual swap-meets. It was funny because I didn't realize that the family names used were family names from various sitcoms. The woman who dies in the episode is surnamed Keaton (Family Ties!), the party hosts are the Bradys (hee!) and another couple are the Cunninghams (Happy Days was before my time, but they showed reruns a few years ago which zeester#2 insisted on watching). Wasn't that fun? The other families daw were the Huxtables (Cosby Show!), the Seavers (Growing Pains!)... and I don't know who the Jeffersons and the Bunkers are... who's Archie Bunker anyway?

Also watched Ocean's Twelve a little earlier. [Sidebar: Thanks to Dread Pirate Roberts (whose identity shall remain hidden), I'm still able to get my twice-monthly fix of -ahem- contraband, while not having to go out and brave the crackdown. A wee bit pricier but it's more convenient.] Anyway, Ocean's Twelve was a terribly fun movie, although I don't regret not watching it at the theater. Like Ocean's Eleven, which I just watched on HBO a year ago, I think. Everyone just seemed to be having so much fun; and of course, the added bonus of Vincent Cassel (squee!).

I just realized I missed the first episode of Lost. I don't know what I was doing last Thursday night. Probably sleeping. Thank heavens for AXN's (and StarWorld's) weekend replays. Bravo!

After meeting Dread Pirate Roberts, I brought zeester#2 to Ortigas and ran into uber-foul traffic on EDSA. Somewhere near EDSA-Crossing, the private cars' lanes merge into one (read and weep: ONE!) lane. Traffic was stopped up from Guadalupe onward. That was great, just great. I have so much time to waste, after all. On the way back, inspiration strikes and I decide to go to the mall. Ayala Center. With the second day of Double Midnight Madness. Madness it was, indeed. Picked up a couple of books but no main goal (shoes). Oh well. I was able to get a copy of Irish Girls About Town (seemed like fun reading), replacement copy of Einstein's Dreams (lost mine), A Brief History of The Celts, and a box of postcards for 300 bucks (15 bucks each for really pretty cards, not bad). Oh well.

[Well actually, there's something. I feel like I'm being dragged deeper every day and I allow myself to be carried by the current, but I know that I'm setting myself up for a fall. But it's fun, this freefalling and not knowing. I'm weird like that. Cy told me to stay away from that particular crew. Sorry, Cy.]

Last Song Syndrome : L'Appuntamento from Ocean's Twelve

things to do at 2am

...when you're frantically applying updates to your antivirus and downloading anti-spyware because suddenly you can't connect to the internet...

listen to Mojofly, Kitchie Nadal days (even then I was in love with her voice)

replace grip on badminton racket, which had been put off for two months now, thank you

convince myself that there are neither intentions nor sparks between me and G

list down stuff to buy tomorrow (Irish Girls About Town, Phillips earphones with case, toilet paper, toothpaste)

think about starting to work on latest Factory freelance job

end up playing Warfare on AchTung Baby

blog for the first time in two weeks about (go back to top)

Ah well. Such is life. Prevention is definitely better than having to go through all these (yes, JP, I have learned my lesson).

Last Song Syndrome : Another Day - Mojofly

the weirdness in me

_pagan helps unleash the weird:




Last Song Syndrome : Anak ng Pasig - Geneva Cruz
(ok now tell me that isn't weird...)

celebrate life amidst acts of death

I'm glad I'm alive. I'm glad that no one in my immediate circle was in the vicinity of the Ayala-Edsa blast (don't know how close y_slaybelle was though), nor the GenSan and Davao bombings. I cannot imagine how those who lost their loved ones could feel. Unlike the Rizal Day bombing of 2000, I was nowhere near the area, as we were wary of the commercial district on Valentine's Day. When we got home, however, it was on the news, and I can't help but condemn groups like these, which make it their business to sow terror in the common tao without any notable or worthwhile (well at least not to us) goals.

However, in the midst of the shock, there was jubilation. The former boss, who now works in the Singapore office of StingyCo is finally pregnant, after trying for more than eight years. I remember everything about her life being so perfect except for that one aspect that she and her husband really wanted. Their prayers have finally been answered, thankfully. And then of course DaMike is turningthirty today, this huggable, moody-yet-lovable, action-figure-collecting good friend of mine. My wish for him is that he remains that strange blend of childlike and cynical; and that his lovelife will finally be sorted out.

Events like the bombing as well as Ms. R's answered prayers and turningthirty make you re-evaluate your faith, both in people and in your Higher Power. How can we be happy with a life about to burst forth when they will be entering a world with soulless bastards that bomb anonymously, killing husbands, wives, fathers, friends? But we are, because in the midst of despair, new birth always signifies hope.

[Congratulations, Ms. R. You will now be in my prayers often because a first pregnancy at 42 is quite difficult. Heck, stress nowadays contributes to difficult pregnancies at any age. But I'm sure that your exultation regarding this welcome news will more than make up for that. Here's to life!]

viva geneva
One officemate asked, "Kailan?" and then JP and I simultaneously burst into song: "Kailan, kailan mo ba mapapansin ang aking lihim?" Hahahaha! Viva la Smokey Mountain! The songs of our youth come back to haunt us at the strangest times.

Last Song Syndrome : Kailan - Smokey Mountain

the ones that weren't guessed

Thanks to amyslayer for the reminder to post those songs that weren't guessed. I had meant to do this last weekend but between Phantom, A Very Long Engagement and a visit to DnA, I didn't have time to blog over the weekend.

Anyway here they are:

4. A clouded dream on an earthly night / Hangs upon the crescent moon / A voiceless song in an ageless light / Sings at the coming dawn - The Mystic's Dream by Loreena McKennitt. Also the theme of the Mists of Avalon miniseries, which though a bit disappointing was nonetheless heartening that they would dramatize Marion Zimmer Bradley's book.

5. Lately it’s occurred to me / That I’ve had enough of that / And lately I’ve been satisfied by simple things like breathing in and breathing out - Not In This Life by Natalie Merchant. Anthem.

6. Oh, that boy of mine / By my side / The silver moon and the evening tide
Oh, some sweet day / Gonna take away / This hurting inside - Blue Bayou, Linda Ronstadt. Hee. Just a simple, nice, old standard.

8. Time casts a spell on you, but you won't forget me / I know I could have loved you, but you would not let me - Silver Springs by Fleetwood Mac. Baby, I don't wanna know. You go, Stevie Nicks!

10. Always I am mistaken / I look for love I find a stone / Of all the seasons winter befriends me - Momentum by Vienna Teng. Is beautiful.

13. I've no more ways to hide that I'm a desolate and empty, hollow place inside - Jezebel by 10,000 Maniacs. Natalie. I love this desolate song. Was in my head for most of 1997 and I'm still listening to it now. "I know your feelings are tender, I know inside you the embers still glow... but I'm a shadow, I'm only a bed of blackened coal."

16. I draw a jackal-headed woman in the sand, sing of a lover's fate sealed by jealous hate then wash my hand in the sea. - Verdi Cries, also by 10,000 Maniacs. Am such a fangirl.

20. With an aching inside / I'll watch as her body is raised from the tide...
Her life has been taken, and I'll never know why / But I feel in that moment, a part of me died... - The Shores of The Swilly, Sinead O'Connor singing. Have a lot of Celtic-inspired songs playing.

22. When there was just a gang of us / Storming the town by train and bus
A moment of thought this heart sends to old friends - Old Friends, Everything But the Girl. Tracey rocks. This is one of my favorite EBTG songs (memories of high school) aside from Didn't Know I Was Looking for Love, Missing and Talk To Me Like the Sea.

A lot of these are really favorite songs because the playlist I used was the AchTung Baby playlist, and my memory card is only 128MB.

Last Song Syndrome : The Shores of the Swilly

you go, girl

Highest point of the 2005 Grammys, aside from a fun-fun opening number, was Joss Stone and Melissa Etheridge belting out Janis Joplin's Piece of My Heart. Love the song, love the people who were singing. Especially Ms. Etheridge. She was openly lesbian, and she didn't care what other people were saying. She was diagnosed with cancer middle of last year, but still she rocks. My kind of woman.