belated friday five

1. Do you watch sports? If so, which ones?

Yes, the occasional UAAP basketball game, F1 races with Nin and GP, Man U and Real Madrid games (yay Zidane! yay Nistelrooy! and of course cute cute Beckham), badminton sometimes, pool, and some cheerleading and figure skating.

2. What/who are your favorite sports teams and/or favorite athletes?

Four-peat La Salle Green Archers (go Renren!). The grand slam Alaska team and Jolas. Kimi Raikkonen, McLaren. Before Sergei Grinkov died, Ekaterina Gordeeva and Sergei Grinkov. Zidane, Nistelrooy, Beckham. Jojo Lastimosa, Jojo Lastimosa, Jojo Lastimosa. Oh and Marat Safin just because he's so cute.

3. Are there any sports you hate?

Those that involve combat, like boxing and wrestling.

4. Have you ever been to a sports event?

Yes... (and the point of this question was? hehe)

5. Do/did you play any sports (in school or other)? How long did you play?

I still play badminton. Played a decent table tennis in college (won a frinedly tournament!). And of course there's my mean game of FreeCell...

White Flag

by Dido

I know you think that I shouldn't still love you,
I'll tell you that.
But if I didn't say it, well I'd still have felt it
where's the sense in that?

I promise I'm not trying to make your life harder
Or return to where we were

Well I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

I know I left too much mess and
destruction to come back again
And I caused but nothing but trouble
I understand if you can't talk to me again
And if you live by the rules of "it's over"
then I'm sure that that makes sense

Well I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

And when we meet
Which I'm sure we will
All that was then
Will be there still
I'll let it pass
And hold my tongue
And you will think
That I've moved on....

Well I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

sightings
Saw R., the ex of my friend C., on a date last Friday night, rather early Saturday morning. They were both all in black. I knew he recognized me but I hurried away. I wasn't about to have some small talk with him on one of the most depressing nights of my life. Doesn't help that I went out with him a couple of times, too.

Same night. Was supposed to go with Alvin and his friends V. and D. to Dream bar but I was stubbornly trying to do something that didn't happen, and when I wanted to meet up with them they were already on their way home. V., my sometime-classmate from Grade School, had just broken up with J., my former student and ex of one of my good friends. Funnyman Alvin of course suggested that V. and I should trade stories. Hehehe.

Velasquez Park

(transcribed from notebook)

what the hell am i doing here?

the little girl is barking at the cat
a family is on a bench and i ask the mom for a light
the security guy on his bicycle probably checking where we'll throw the butts
and the lady jogging has gone around six times

what the hell am i doing here?

thinking around in circles just like that jogger
hoping epiphany will come with nicotine
thinking about things that should have never come to pass
but how somehow things are looking up for tomorrow

Sabado nights
No, I wasn't on a date. Didn't watch a movie or anything. But it was thoroughly gratifying. I spent most of the evening in Powerbooks reading JLA: Heaven's Ladder and books on home decoration. It was a good three hours. Definitely.

Heaven's Ladder was a bit strange, but quite entertaining. It was about the JLA encountering a superior alien race (to them humans were paramecium) that was around since the Big Bang but had no idea of the afterlife. I can't comment on the art, but it looked good to my untrained (and non-comicbook aficionado) eye. Sometimes the action was boring, but there were some high points, especially as they explored the JLA members' different ideas of the after-life. I especially liked Wonder Woman's statement, "The only way to deny death then is to live each day to its absolute fullest by constantly striving to carve an immortal legend which will server as your eternal legacy... by making the extraordinaty look easy..."

Also from Heaven's Ladder: "There is a sense of nobility and wonder to the universe that cannot be catalogued, only shared... and this can only be realized when we create connections instead of barriers." A bit cheesy, but then, peace has always seemed to be that way.

food odyssey

purple sky above
as natalie croons, "don't talk"
i stare into space

columns of white smoke
join the wispy clouds on high
the full moon looks on


rock-bottom
At least when you hit rock-bottom you know there's nowhere to go but up. Thanks for the knock on the head--I knew I was going overboard but couldn't stop.

Thanks P. for that phone call. I needed that.

battered young professionals

Laura Vanderkam wrote about how White-collar sweatshops batter young workers, how last generation's yuppies are now overworked $12-an-hour white-collar workers, brilliant but overworked with 80- to 90-hour workweeks. She also goes on to mention that after all the overwork, some people just go on to get laid off. But the lay-offs and some human nature work together so that the brilliant young people actually think about how they could be better off in life in terms of fulfillment, time and happiness in general.

Struck a raw nerve somewhere because a few months ago I was logging around 75-80 hours of work a week, sometimes spending the night in the office, generally not having much of a life. It led to a rethinking of a relationship, rethinking of the quality of my leisure and home life, rethinking of life and purpose in general.

Right now I'm still averaging around 60 hours a week at work. More often than not I still like what I'm doing although it gets monotonous at times. It's not that bad considering breaks and free internet though. I rather like the people that I work with, too. They're a good and dependable (albeit underpaid--escept for Actuarial) bunch. New office rather sucks, but it's funny that so far I've been spending more time here than I used to at the old one. Food Odyssey at the 11th floor helps. Hehe.

The thing is, when I was working all those hours, I felt needed. I felt I was a vital cog in that whopper of a project for our agents' compensation.

Would I do it over? Yes, definitely. Was it worth it? Now that I can't answer off the top of my head. There are, of course, pros and cons. The realization that my relationship was not "the one" was a noteworthy effect. The disruption of my body clock was not. There was bonding with my officemates, but there was also some tension on the home front because I was rarely there. But I did it, I got Employee of the Quarter props while at it, and was able to pay off most of my debts because of all the overtime pay. So yes, I believe it was worth it.

But only for the same two months that I had the office as my home. More than that and I would have to put my foot down.

I think it should only get you down if you allow it to get you down; after all, you should have it in you to realize when you're going too far. But if I were to do that for more than two months on end, I don't think I could take it. So after those two months I made it a point not to work overtime for a while; and I up and signed on for a few visits to a spa.

I can't deny that I still wish I could have a job at which it seems like I'm at play; but this comes quite close because I've found that I'm having quite a bit of fun anyway. You know, if I do realize that this really isn't worth it, I'm definitely out of here. But so far, when I ask myself is there something else I would be doing rather than I.T.-related work with some freelance writing, nice people to work with, and ample time to spend with my family and friends (not to mention Buffy and CSI), the answer still comes out no.

friendster this and friendster that

Been quite active on Friendster--it's something to do during lunchtime and when I get really riled with work, which is why I haven't been having daily blogs, my bad.

It's just funny how some people actually check out how many friends other people have ("ay you only have 39 friends"), or try to outdo each other. There are even cliques and everything!

Anyway, I do have 39 friends on Friendster but the most important thing to me right now is that there are some people whom I've practically dug up from the recesses of my high school memories; and I'm glad for that. I don't know what the fascination or obsession is with this Friendster thing but just for that at least it's doing some good.

One more thing. I'm finding out that I'm in the "older" batch of Friendster people. Aaak! Of course I've never acted my age, so there.

Happy day.

and so it goes...
Said co-conspirator from last Friday night is hell-bent on trying to act as if nothing happened. Well. I should have expected that.

convo in the morning

Me: (calling a certain cellphone number)

Him: Hey!

Me: Happy Birthday ****!

Him: Yeah, right, happy birthday to me!

[small talk about his brother leaving and our office transfer]

Me: Hey, my office is so close to your office now! Let's have coffee sometime.

Him: Yeah, sure, hey, gotta go.

Why is he so scared of having effing coffee (see-ho-hef-hef-hee-hee) with me???

and the transfer is final

We've moved!
And, oh, the agony of it all!
No internet since Thursday afternoon.
No network last Friday.
Much stricter office.
And a much smaller workarea.
With no keyboard tray yet.
Sigh.

aak! I must learn...

• not everyone is trustworthy, maybe even someone whom you think is your friend (I don't want to believe the above because I like all my friends)
  
• a kiss is still a kiss, but it may mean different things to different people
  
• my subconscious self that seems to come out after a few shots of alcohol could be a better, more morally upright person
  
• to stop obsessing over something that seems to have no meaning at all and about which no one else is obsessing
  
• to be careful not to fall in love with the wrong person and for all the wrong reasons YET AGAIN
  

Oh well.

Ger-ber going
Byebye Ger-ber. Will miss you for the next two weeks.

hangover
Friday night. You take a few beers after years without a tinge of alcohol. Inhibitions lost, the stage is set for waking up on Saturday morning with a hangover of a quite different sort, the last of which you thought you'd experienced when you were much younger and foolhardy.

Friday night. The hangover starts then. It's that sinking feeling you get after you do something infinitely stupid and live to tell the tale. Of course, people never do set out to do something infinitely stupid. It always seems like a good idea at the time. So you go out and do it. And right smack in the middle of it, you recoil in stunned disbelief, almost in horror. What have you done?

You get saved by the proverbial bell from doing something that you would further regret, but that doesn't really seem to matter because you have already crossed the line. And then you think about why you did it in the first place. Of course as they always say, alcohol does not make you forget yourself so that you don't know what you're doing--instead you just lose your inhibitions. And you spend quite a few minutes thinking what was it inside you that made you behave that way, and was it something that you really wanted in the first place. You gasp inwardly as you come to the conclusion that it was; somewhere deep inside you despite your exhortations to the contrary, it was something you actually wanted to happen.

Aside from you, only a select few know what really happened that night, which is maybe what worries you more--that someone else was in on it with you. And you rely on them to keep up their end of the deal and not talk. It is something like a gentleman's agreement but it seems you have more to lose. You wonder if they will ever talk; you wonder how their perception of you changed; and you wonder if it changed their opinion of you--because you wonder (worry) about those things, trivial as it may seem to others.

So you just have to face the consequences of your actions. You deal. And because it's a well-kept secret, you have to deal with the hardest of things: the knowledge of the deed and your own conscience. Because so much can be lost on the actions of just one night, and we almost always find out in hindsight.

---

Posted to riannesravings@yahoogroups.com.

Happy Birthdays

My one and only daddy


and also, my ex-fafa Sting


Hihihi!

first day of the month

Was supposed to have a massage at the spa near our office last night but something was amiss with the regional office and I had to stay late. Boohoo... missed out on the 50% discount which was only until yesterday. Bah, work... really gets in the way of personal gratification.
__________

Got here 7:05am. Officemate was already here. He's a bit on the strange side. Anyway, he was sitting in front of his PC in the dark. I wondered if he didn't know how to switch on the lights. He did though, but only when I mentioned it to him--apparently that was the only time that he realized that he could. Funny, strange person.
__________

La Salle lost to Ateneo in a game that ended with another fracas, this time involving even former players and other alumni. I'm all for school spirit and everything, but I think this is getting out of hand. As I told Imo (who is from Ateneo), I've always had delusions of grandeur and sportsmanship with regards to both our schools and this is definitely bursting my bubble. Bah, jocks.

Congratulations though Ateneo! It was a job well done. Although the fight in the finals (against FEU) seems quite even. Oh well, Archers. We've had our streak of championships. It's time to rebuild the team and start anew. Who knows, maybe next year?
__________

Feel bad because it's the birthday of our barkada here in the office today and because of too much work (remember, 2am in the office last Sunday), we weren't able to organize any surprise. I really have this thing for birthdays (and Christmas). Oh well. Lloyd was asking for a brand new car and we're going to get him a Matchbox. Teehee.
__________

Finished LoEG. More on that later or tomorrow.

It's October, my favorite month. Dad's birthday tomorrow, my own birthday Halloween Eve.
__________

Don't sit beside me, weird person, I'm trying to freaking blog here before office hours start, and I don't particularly want you breathing over my shoulder checking out what I write. Grrr!

By the way, time for me to mention:


Wanna find out what Psych-Ward you belong to?
Hehehe.

Good morning, good morning!