Tuesday, October 19, 2004

what ails you

A former colleague of mine believed that a person's health problems, especially those related to internal infections or cancers, were caused by psychological fears, bad vibes, unrequited desires, or traumas. He would take an ear infection to mean that this person thought that all he was hearing from his envirnoment were vile things; if someone had kidney stones, he would say there were feelings that the person's spirit could not take, manifesting in these infections. Time and again he commented on my almost yearly tonsillitis attacks: "You are swallowing or accepting something that you do not like." Time and again I wondered what it was.

Last Sunday, I found I couldn't speak. My larynx was swollen and the vocal chords were simply not working. He would have said that my laryngitis infection was a manifestation of my trying to say something but not being able or willing to; or maybe I had said something foul. I think it would probably be the latter, if I believed him. I believe that sicknesses like mine may mean that you haven't been taking care of yourself, or that your body is unnecessarily weak, but I've never put much stock into any psychological meaning of any disease. I am sick because I've pushed myself a bit hard the past few weeks, what with work, badminton and early morning rounds on the net.

If there's anything psychological about getting sick the way that I have, I figure it's because I've insanely plodded on without any respect for the capacity of my body, which hasn't been at peak performance lately. That disregard for one's own health and limitations is a psychological study on its own; never mind trying to find out what it is that I'm subconsciously trying to say, or any bad things I've said. I'd rather study the psychological means of willing myself better, which I've tried to do consciously, but subconsciously, it seems an entirely different matter. Seems my body doesn't really want to get well, craving for a bit more rest. Unfortunately it's not going to get it until after this Big-Project-Weekend.

Meanwhile, the almost regular attacks of tonsillitis can only be attributed to our hereditary sweet tooth (same as the father-unit and zeester #2). Teehee.

Last Song Syndrome : Sound of the Underground - Girls Aloud

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